Duckface Revisited

Duckface, my fan from last year, started a blog so she can try to be cool like me. There's cuss words like mine has, but it doesn't quite have my flair for facts and grammar so it's a bit hard to follow.

I'm going to dig through this slop of a blog and try to ascertain what Duckface is trying to quack. First, I'll have to sift through the unnecessary Valley Girl conjunctions littered throughout her writing.

Like, literally, omg they're everywhere af.

If I'm reading this correctly, I'm to assume that Natalie is Regina George, I'm the Gossip Girl, and the Fuckboy is Buchner. Shouldn't I be Regina George though? I'm the one with the Burn Book blog which is an ode to Mean Girls. The Gossip Girl references are completely lost on me. I haven't seen a commercial, much less an episode. I don't even know what channel it's on. So help me God, if it's on the fucking CW I'm revoking any semblance of a "boss bitch" card from Duckface. 

Actually, it was 2 blogs bashing Marisa. Counting is hard, I know. There, there. 

Thanks, I know. We probably would get along if we shared the same ethics. I'm pretty fucking rad. 

The hell kind of whack insult is this supposed to be? A Trump supporter AND a child combined? Is that the sort of 'savage' dig that's going to put me in my place? Ha! What sort of qualities does a Trump supporter possess that I resemble? Am I racist? Do I post things like....

Isn't that your baby daddy? Did he vote for Trump? How excited is he about Making America White Again? 

Do I think my 'harassment' of another 'woman' (that's in quotes purposely) is okay? Well, yes. This blog is dedicated to shaming women that I think represent women poorly. Lazy slobs like Marisa make us all look bad. Enabling her doesn't do much to change her ways, but shaming has worked wonders so I will continue as long as necessary. It even worked on you. The duckface photos have decreased significantly in the last year. You had to step up your game to match my level. You even started emulating me by starting a blog, attempting some shame writing and creating a boss bitch page like mine. See how that works? You still have room for growth though. You might even gain some standards.

Why use my 1-year-old son in this reference of women harassing women? Wouldn't my 9-year-old daughter be more appropriate? Sloppy investigative skills paired with weak insults. That's all you could pull up on me? I have a son named Blake and I voted for Bernie?

You spend so much time online and that's the best you could come up with, Betch? (Oh wait, it's Riplie. I thought you were better than to hide behind fake names/pages?) You shouldn't talk any shit about being a bad example for our children. Do you want your son Jack to grow up like his father?

Aspirations of working at Walmart with a drinking and drug problem? Sounds like a real boss bitch life right there. 

Is this for real? Proclaiming yourself a boss bitch does not make you one. You'd have to actually be a boss. Run your own company, or at least manage a team of employees, not be an admin assistant that sits on Facebook all day. You lack the hustle required of a "savage boss bitch". You're lazy and lack ambition. Your sad, lonely blog and little bitty meme page ain't shit. You ain't shit. Your man ain't shit, either. I probably hold more licenses than you, your man, and Marisa put together. Drivers license, occupational license, business license, concealed carry permit. Y'know, grown woman shit. Come talk to me, on my level, when you have "Incorporated" after your name. Until then, take a seat with the other basics and take notes. 

You should consider who you go to battle for. More so, who you go to battle with. You talk about my "stalking" like it's something I should be ashamed of, but did you consider what my stalking might dig up that you might be ashamed of? Do you think your employer would appreciate your posting to Facebook every few minutes while you're on the clock?  What's his name? Kartik? Or are you further down the "boss bitch" ladder than that? Haha. He looks like the kind of guy that takes his business seriously. Maybe you should take his business seriously, too. 

Oh, don't fret little grasshopper. I won't be sending off any emails -- yet. I'm not the one that reports shit. I'm the one that points out your flaws so you can change your own behavior. My methods are painful, I know, but you'll be better for it later. Your thirties are coming. It's time to grow up. Put your nose to the grindstone, stop spending so much daylight on social media, focus on your own drama, and get your head right. Drinking, smoking and being so proud of it is pubescent shit. How about getting a credit score high instead? Ditch that dead-weight loser that still hasn't given you a new last name. You want to talk like a boss? Try acting like one instead. 

Climb.