Let's Not Do Anything Immature and Say Something Embarrassing

I don't watch reality TV. Why watch some scripted and edited drama when I can watch regular idiots be a hot mess in real time on the internet?

*click on the pictures so you can see them in full quality *

This hypocritical rant about some 'immature' female is golden. You know what's really mature? Dramatic public Facebook posts. HAHA. 

"I've never stopped anyone who is family from being around." But, she maybe should have stopped her father from being around her children... we'll get into that in a bit. 

"Even though I should've stopped Joel..."  LOL. I don't think this rant has anything to do with Joel, but she can't help sucking on his name every chance she gets. Kiiiiinda weird. 

"Kaylee will be having a nice big graduation party just like her sister did."  Not both sisters, though. Because Clown Car Vagina never graduated. She went straight into the welfare system and hasn't emerged yet. LOL.

"Once again I'm sorry you guys had to endure such a pitiful display of immaturity."  Oh, the irony.

"Time to cut the weeds out of the garden."   I don't really know what this is supposed to mean, but I thought it funny anyway. You don't cut weeds, they just grow back... 

Anywho, the real reason that I just HAD to blog today is this post:

What the...what? 

Really, Kim? Your parents have never embarrassed you publicly? Thank you mom and MOLESTER DAD for always acting RESPECTFULLY to others?

Is she fucking serious? 

Setting a WONDERFUL EXAMPLE for their GRANDCHILDREN to fucking FOLLOW and be PROUD OF?!!?!? 

What the actual fuck??

I can't get my head around this. Holy fucking Stockholm Syndrome, Batman. 

THIS GUY?? 

THAT ONE?! THE VIOLENT SEX OFFENDER?! 

This is the kind of adult Kim thinks her children should look up to, be proud of, and not be denied access to. Woooow. 

No wonder Marisa is a shit mother. Look at what an example she's been set. 

Dun Dun Dunnnn

The day is quickly approaching. Marisa lost custody of her remaining children. Will she return them to California where they belong? Will she finally accept that she may be the problem? She's 0-3 in custody cases.

OR

Will she take the irresponsible route as usual and ignore the judge's orders? Will she earn herself a matching mugshot to frame on the wall next to her sister's?

Damn, that's rough.

We shall see!

Clapback for Trollface

Duckface found my blog for her. She responded via her meme page and not her own blog, which I thought odd, but then I figured her broke ass doesn't have a computer and/or the internet at her house so she probably had to take extra time to type out her monologue on her phone. The blog is likely something she only posts from at work. Which I find ironic that she wants to talk about wasting time. Ummm... what color am I, Pot?

I type at a 100wpm and my brain moves even faster than that. Don't flatter yourself into thinking that I'm 'wasting' more than 0.14% of my life on you. Besides, is it really wasted if I find it entertaining?

A few clapbacks:

1. I'm well aware of the schedule feature on Facebook pages. I ran one before you decided to bite my style. My posts were all scheduled. I'm also aware of the schedule feature on the blogs -- how do you think this one was posted? I spent an hour on the morning of Christmas Eve's Eve posting about you (and Marisa. I didn't want to drop two blogs in one day. It's more fun to drag it out. Oops. Ya caught me). You suckers spent Christmas posting about me. 

And I prefer Google over Wordpress for several reasons that I won't bother getting into here. Namely, I value content over "pretty". That's the fundamental difference not only in our blogs, but our character as well. 

2. I didn't have to use a photoshop app to alter your boyfriend's arrest record. That's what is listed publicly. I find the truth is a lot more effective than a lie. Here it is again, searched from my computer and not a phone. 

Here's the link if you'd like to look for yourself: https://www.localcrimenews.com/welcome/detail/834380/no

Your big, long, overcompensating story sounds really hardcore and all... but congrats, Crystal! You don't have an arrest record! So, I'm not buying it. I don't care about your bullshit story. I only care about what can be proven. Sounds like I hit a nerve as well? 

Awwwwwwwwww, I'm not as pretty as Regina?! Ouchie, Duckface you really got me there! But, hey, since we're opening up the playing field to insults like "you're so ugly/fat/whatever" let's roll with it. 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, bitch. You've got fucking JOWLS! No wonder all your pictures are in duckface format. Your teeth look only a couple years away from full-blown meth mouth. 

Are you wishing you didn't call me out for calling you out on calling me out now?

3. I might be surprised how supportive your boss and manager are of your wasting hundreds of dollars of payroll fucking around on Facebook. People surprise me all the time. But, seeing as you haven't answered me with a blog yet and the memes have drastically lessened this past week I'm thinking I'm barking up the right tree. I screenshot everything, I'm organized, I'm well-written and the downside for you -- I'm patient. 

I might remind you that you started posting about me first. Everything I've written has been in response to some feeble attack on me. Don't get all capslock on me just because I'm better at it. 

4. .....The Kardashians and "half the world" make a duck face in 100% of their profile pictures so you do? HAHA. You just cited the Kardashians as a role model and want to talk to me about being a 'boss'. HAHAHAHA. And "half the world" is doing it! But that's not basic somehow? This is the dumbest logic you've presented thus far. 

For real though, I don't even know why I have to state this, but here goes: Half the world doesn't make a duck face in their pictures. Probably not even 10% of millennials. Just insecure females that use a shit-ton of filters to try and make themselves look presentable. If I had a face like yours, I'd probably try to suck it in with some duckface, too. 

5. WHY ARE WE YELLING? ARE YOU MAD? If you aren't using your actual name then you're hiding. (Also, that goes against Facebook's terms and conditions. You could be reported and made to prove your real name. Just sayin'.) If you were actually worried about psychos and strangers you'd stay off social media completely. You're probably hiding from your employer because you're aware that your online presence is fucking trashy. At least, I hope you have the self-awareness to know that posting about cocaine, duckface pictures, and flipping off the camera with your IDGAF lifestyle is trashy. 

I already knew you were in foster care. Your name being 'Crystal' was kind of a giveaway as to why. None of this is shocking, nor do I care. My adopted sister grew up in foster care. From 3-years-old until she aged out. Her parents were heroin addicts. Do you know what she did with her life? She threw everything she had into excelling in school. She knew that was her only shot out of a shit life. She got a full ride to any college she wanted. She just had her 24th birthday. She's a mom now and she's amazing at it. She's also a microbiologist and making bank. She's a fucking badass. 

I hope you weren't looking for pity points because you were in foster care, though. 

Haha. You haven't seen me angry. You've seen me amused. I don't know why you'd want to see me angry? I've shown you I have the nuke codes so why would you want to test it? If I came across some crazy bitch online that dug up even half the shit I have on you, I'd bow out faster than a virgin on prom night. I'd say, "Fuck you, Marisa. It was fun but this bitch is crazy and your drama isn't worth losing my job over." Then again, I have a brain in my skull. You? Debatable. Are your sisters encouraging this? Do they not like you? My sisters love watching me roast some mouthy cunts, but I think even they would advise I take my exit before shit got real if the roles were reversed here. 

It's unfair Marisa didn't warn you before she let you run in waving your knife in this gun fight. The exact thing happened to her. Natalie sent in minions, Marisa was one of them, and I chewed her up and spit her out. Then she went crying on social media to strangers and here you are, risking your own livelihood over a welfare whore that refuses to be an adult and accept accountability for anything in her life. 

Continue the game if you'd like. If you think I won't follow through, you're giving me too much credit for being the better person. But go ahead, try me. 

XOXO

The Wonderbitch

On Today's Episode of Pathological Liars...

Since Duckface wants to call everyone disputing Marisa a 'coward', I thought it might be fun to highlight some of Marisa's brave champions.

Marisa is so gutless she has to send in flying monkeys to her defense. Duckface, Mommy, Latest Step-Daddy, Kristine and Nicole. 

Wait, Kristine and Nicole? Who the fuck are those broads? I don't know, but let's find out!

Kristine sounds like she's pretty in-the-know on Marisa's life. She knows a lot about Steve, too. First hand experience or hearsay? Hmmm... She's also read my blog as she knows my old nickname for Natalie. 

Then enter Nicole. These two must be sisters! They have the same writing style! Exclamation point! And they both know a lot about Marisa and her living situation. Did they visit with Marisa and Steve at the rat-infested house? Hey Steve, if you're reading this blog, can you remember meeting Kristine? Or Nicole? Were they together?

Sidebar: who the FUCK would move themselves and their children into a house that was ALREADY rat infested with dirty piss and shit everywhere? NASTY!

Another blog post and Kristine is back in the comments discussing Marisa's friendship with Amanda. So weird! Amanda must know who Kristine is! Marisa and Amanda were best friends after all. 

Here's Nicole again, following up Kristine's comment. She must be the little sister. Surely, Amanda knows who Nicole is! Nicole knows an awful lot about Amanda and EVERYONE Amanda's ever been "close friends" with. 

Another blog post and another comment. Kristine is very invested in Marisa's life. The two of them must go waaaaaaaaaay back because she knows incredibly intimate details of Marisa's life all the way to her toddler days. AND she knows Sierra? And Sierra's mom? Crazy! She knows that Marisa lived with Joel for 2.5 years. That's pretty specific. 

I don't know you guys. This seems a little suspect. In all the time I've #stalked Marisa I've never seen a Kristine or a Nicole come up on her friends list, in the comments, or so much as like a status. But here they are in full force on Duckface's blog to defend Marisa's honor!

Then I remembered a time when Natalie hit me up to ask, "Does this look weird to you?" when someone commented on her page. 

Hmm... who could this be? A random person or someone from Camp Marisa?

It's weird that "Sierra" doesn't use periods at the end of a comment just like Nicole doesn't.

I did the first thing I always do when investigating a possible catfish account... I dropped the photos in Google Image Search and it got a hit. 

Black hair. Well, that's generic. But something else comes up....

Someone really wants to see Sierra Satterfield naked. So I look up a Sierra Satterfield on Facebook and I pull up this girl:

This account looks a lot more legit than the generic single woman from San Jose account. So on a hunch, I check her friends list...

Well whaddya-fucking-know! That's a hell of a coincidence!

I messaged the real Sierra about the fake account. 

Hey Marisa, the real Sierra wanted me to tell you there's PornHub for a reason. 

So, anyone reading this that's still on Marisa's Facebook, do a quick little search to see if there's a Kristine or Nicole. I'm guessing there isn't.... yet. Quick, Marisa! See what you can smash together for fake accounts before more of your lies are uncovered! Hahaha. If any of you do find Facebook profiles for Kristine and Nicole, see if they pass the sniff test and drop their pictures into Google image search. *Helpful hints from a professional*

I wonder if Duckface was in on it or if she was being duped by Marisa as well? 

Someone Didn't Heed the Commenting Disclaimer.

I was hit with so much material I couldn't decide who to address first. I'll try to tackle it in chronological order.

"Shane" commented on my blog. It got kicked to my spam folder and I almost didn't see it. I guess even Google thinks these people are a joke. I put "Shane" in quotes because I'm not buying it's actually him that commented this. In all the writing samples I've seen of his and Kim's, Shane has never so much as hinted at a paragraph break, but Kim uses them often. Yet, it has the same basic grammar mistakes, so who knows. If it is indeed Shane, congrats on your attempt at writing? *golfclap*

First, let's address Natalie. Natalie's five-year-old daughter was ABUSIVE to Marisa. Holy shit. An adult being abused by a child. Dramatic, much? But let's continue to perpetuate the victim complex.

Natalie stole Marisa's childrens' gift cards. Interesting. This can be proven? Funny, because around the time Marisa was living with Natalie and the big feud began, Marisa was feeding me as much dirt as she could muster on Natalie and never ONCE did she mention stolen gift cards. That seems like something that would make it to the top of the list, don'tcha think?

OR

Marisa lied to her gullible ass enabling parents about the boogieman stealing gift cards so they'd send her more. HMMMMMMMM....

But if you have proof, by all means, please set me straight.

Now let's get to the "marriage"! YES.

I HAVE BEEN FUCKING DYING FOR SOMEONE TO BRING THIS UP.

Indeeeed. There was no marriage license. No paperwork filed. No "husband" and "wife" and "I'm getting a divorce." A sham. All of it.

                          A

                               big

                                     fat

                                            LIE.

Are we really surprised though? Invites were sent out for the fake wedding. A shitty purple suit was acquired to officiate. She changed, and misspelled, her last name on Facebook. Family came all the way from Texas for the fraudulent affair.

Marisa still doesn't have a single legitimate child to her name. Hahaha.

Did her parents know they spent all that money for a bogus wedding? Omg, did y'all buy gifts for the phony newlyweds, too? HAHA. I'm sorry, I keep laughing, but I really can't help myself. I mean, the ceremony was BEAUTIFUL!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

They picked out a special TREE for the venue and everything!

Shane dressed up like the Joker, but really joke was on him, right? 

And Marisa, true-to-form is barefoot in the dirt like a pig.

That's the dress she wouldn't shut up about for weeks on Facebook. It looks like she grabbed the only white dress she could find for $4 at Goodwill. 

The whole gang was there for the white trash "wedding"! 

Seriously though, I can't get over her fucking feet. Christ.

How long did she lie about being married? How many lies will it take before these idiots realize she has no respect for them? 

Now let's address Kim. Not a single mother. Just because a woman is not married to her childrens' father(s) does not make her a "single" mother. She's engaged. Not single. Not rocket science. 

She raised three very different daughters while running her own business. Well, she's had her "own business" for 6 years so raising three daughters and running a business wasn't at the same time. But whatever, let's pretend that being a working mother is cause for applause. She's not licensed, so it's questionable if y'all should be advertising that she has a business. That could be considered fraud in some circles. 

Let's discuss Kim's marriage. Her ONE marriage. It seemed it ended due to domestic abuse. Her relationship with Joel was also said to be abusive. Shane exhibits hyper "manly" aggressive tendencies, too. He thinks I should be intimidated. OooOOoOoOooooo... There seems to be a pattern of behavior here. Is it daddy issues, Kim?

Whoa, whoa, wait. What was that charge? 

Daaaaammmmmnnnnn. Didn't Marisa give Gotham/Alaric his middle name? Seems a little inappropriate. This family gets more fucked up the more I dig. 

Wait, is child sexual abuse one of those things we're not supposed to concern ourselves with if we've never met them, never spoken to a day in our life and aren't related to? 

Classic enabler behavior. They want you to stop speaking the truth because it makes them uncomfortable. Did you present this same argument in court to defend your father, Kim? WHY DO THE STRANGERS OF SOCIETY CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR FAMILY? IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS?!

Moving on!

Speaking of moving on, Marisa is "moving on" and trying to get her life together. Yea, she's moving on something alright. Right on to baby daddy #4. THE GRANDPARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD! 

Sweet fuck, Marisa. IT'S A VAGINA, NOT A CLOWN CAR.

How is she around people that are holding her accountable, not enabling her and making her get her life in order? Is she paying rent? Looking for a job? Looking at anything other than her phone? Or is that what we're telling ourselves so we can sleep at night?

"And yes, that doesn't make you the bad guy."

I know, that's what I've been saying!

Real talk though, Shane. Does Marisa's welfare lifestyle align with your core values? What do you think of people that have never worked a job in their lives and only keep cranking out kids to ensure they stay on welfare and food stamps? Is that the kind of person you support? 

How do you feel working two jobs to pay for a lazy whore with 4 kids and working on a 5th?

 Just curious.

Is It Still Shit Talking If It's True?

Y'know what I can't stand? Laziness. Even worse? Laziness coupled with a victim complex.

"I make shitty decisions because I'm too lazy to do shit for myself. When the consequences of those decisions come down, it's someone else's fault my life is garbage."

Here's some solid life advice for everyone: don't date (or worse, marry) someone that has a shitty work ethic. Relationships are work. Lazy people don't want to work, which means they won't put in the effort needed to make a relationship thrive. They'll sit back and soak up attention wherever they can get it, take credit, place blame, cheat, and probably lie. They're entitled, negative, lack goals, never get anything done, spend way too much time on social media, etc. They're fucking leeches and dead weight. We all know the kind. At some point in the working world, we've encountered this type of coworker.

Marisa isn't part of the workforce. She's on the welfare-for-life plan. Her official occupation is breeder. She moves from host to host leeching as much as she can. She's never held a job or paid taxes. She's a burden to her friends, family and society. She's had four kids by three men and has no plans on stopping that gravy train. Even now, while she lives with her sister rent free, she's not filling out job applications so she can lessen the hardship on her sister. She's filling out dating profiles two weeks after leaving her husband. She's not even divorced yet. I can only imagine what her sister must be thinking. At some point she's going to get angry that the "shit talking" we've been doing is true and she's been enabling the "Free Loader" as Natalie calls her. Marisa has her phone in her hand for all of her waking hours. She's a pig and doesn't pick up after herself or her children. She doesn't do laundry and doesn't bother dressing her children. Her laziness is so oppressive it's bordering on neglect. These aren't things that I'm making up, these are facts that can be observed through the incessant snapshots and videos she provides on a daily basis. Her mother wants to come down on me like I'm the bad guy for speaking out about it.

WHY THE FUCK DOES A STRANGER HAVE TO SPEAK UP ABOUT IT? WHY ISN'T HER FAMILY SAYING ANYTHING? WHY ARE THEY HELPING HER? 

How has enabling her helped her in any way? How has she improved her life in the last 9 years? Has she held a job? Paid off a debt? Stood on her own AT ALL? When has she ever acted like an adult? Her mother wants to smack her gums about "high school drama" but continues to enable her mentally high-school aged daughter. Pay her phone bill, buy her clothes, feed her, drive her around... do you do her fucking laundry too, Kim?

How many times have you witnessed her children crying, "Mommy, Mommy, Moooommmmyyyyy" and shes' staring at her phone? I'm starting to wonder if she truly loves her children or if they're just a means to an end. She certainly didn't have any qualms over leaving the older two behind. But those ones don't earn her any more money, do they? The younger ones though... they still count for government checks. Maybe even child support if she has any luck in court.

Kim will never admit to this. That would be admitting her own failure and we can't have that now can we? I wonder how long her husband-to-be will tolerate the bullshit. How many husbands has she burned through herself? We can't say Marisa doesn't come by her welfare state of mind honestly!

Fucking laziness. Laziness coupled with a victim complex and perpetuated by enablers.

Don't get pissed at me for doing something about it. You idiots clearly aren't fixing anything. Sierra should thank me for this blog. She might actually get her house cleaned for a couple weeks.

Oh, and Marisa? Put some fucking socks on your kids at least. It's December. No wonder they've had fevers and snot noses for weeks. Jesus fucking Christ. The fuck is wrong with you all?

Duckface Revisited

Duckface, my fan from last year, started a blog so she can try to be cool like me. There's cuss words like mine has, but it doesn't quite have my flair for facts and grammar so it's a bit hard to follow.

I'm going to dig through this slop of a blog and try to ascertain what Duckface is trying to quack. First, I'll have to sift through the unnecessary Valley Girl conjunctions littered throughout her writing.

Like, literally, omg they're everywhere af.

If I'm reading this correctly, I'm to assume that Natalie is Regina George, I'm the Gossip Girl, and the Fuckboy is Buchner. Shouldn't I be Regina George though? I'm the one with the Burn Book blog which is an ode to Mean Girls. The Gossip Girl references are completely lost on me. I haven't seen a commercial, much less an episode. I don't even know what channel it's on. So help me God, if it's on the fucking CW I'm revoking any semblance of a "boss bitch" card from Duckface. 

Actually, it was 2 blogs bashing Marisa. Counting is hard, I know. There, there. 

Thanks, I know. We probably would get along if we shared the same ethics. I'm pretty fucking rad. 

The hell kind of whack insult is this supposed to be? A Trump supporter AND a child combined? Is that the sort of 'savage' dig that's going to put me in my place? Ha! What sort of qualities does a Trump supporter possess that I resemble? Am I racist? Do I post things like....

Isn't that your baby daddy? Did he vote for Trump? How excited is he about Making America White Again? 

Do I think my 'harassment' of another 'woman' (that's in quotes purposely) is okay? Well, yes. This blog is dedicated to shaming women that I think represent women poorly. Lazy slobs like Marisa make us all look bad. Enabling her doesn't do much to change her ways, but shaming has worked wonders so I will continue as long as necessary. It even worked on you. The duckface photos have decreased significantly in the last year. You had to step up your game to match my level. You even started emulating me by starting a blog, attempting some shame writing and creating a boss bitch page like mine. See how that works? You still have room for growth though. You might even gain some standards.

Why use my 1-year-old son in this reference of women harassing women? Wouldn't my 9-year-old daughter be more appropriate? Sloppy investigative skills paired with weak insults. That's all you could pull up on me? I have a son named Blake and I voted for Bernie?

You spend so much time online and that's the best you could come up with, Betch? (Oh wait, it's Riplie. I thought you were better than to hide behind fake names/pages?) You shouldn't talk any shit about being a bad example for our children. Do you want your son Jack to grow up like his father?

Aspirations of working at Walmart with a drinking and drug problem? Sounds like a real boss bitch life right there. 

Is this for real? Proclaiming yourself a boss bitch does not make you one. You'd have to actually be a boss. Run your own company, or at least manage a team of employees, not be an admin assistant that sits on Facebook all day. You lack the hustle required of a "savage boss bitch". You're lazy and lack ambition. Your sad, lonely blog and little bitty meme page ain't shit. You ain't shit. Your man ain't shit, either. I probably hold more licenses than you, your man, and Marisa put together. Drivers license, occupational license, business license, concealed carry permit. Y'know, grown woman shit. Come talk to me, on my level, when you have "Incorporated" after your name. Until then, take a seat with the other basics and take notes. 

You should consider who you go to battle for. More so, who you go to battle with. You talk about my "stalking" like it's something I should be ashamed of, but did you consider what my stalking might dig up that you might be ashamed of? Do you think your employer would appreciate your posting to Facebook every few minutes while you're on the clock?  What's his name? Kartik? Or are you further down the "boss bitch" ladder than that? Haha. He looks like the kind of guy that takes his business seriously. Maybe you should take his business seriously, too. 

Oh, don't fret little grasshopper. I won't be sending off any emails -- yet. I'm not the one that reports shit. I'm the one that points out your flaws so you can change your own behavior. My methods are painful, I know, but you'll be better for it later. Your thirties are coming. It's time to grow up. Put your nose to the grindstone, stop spending so much daylight on social media, focus on your own drama, and get your head right. Drinking, smoking and being so proud of it is pubescent shit. How about getting a credit score high instead? Ditch that dead-weight loser that still hasn't given you a new last name. You want to talk like a boss? Try acting like one instead. 

Climb.