Those That Live In Glass Houses

So, this chick shows up on my page and calls me a whore, says I know nothing of her life, but clearly doesn't know who I am or she'd have seen this coming.

Okay, let's learn a little more about her and put her Facebook life in chronological order. This is fun. Marisa has had a string of bad luck when it comes to men. But all that is about to change. She's found The One. The man that is going to take care of her and her children for the rest of their leeching lives.

March 18th, Steve declares they aren't having sex yet. They want to take things slow. 

*Again, is it weird for anyone else that this dude's name is Steve?*

So slow that it only takes four days to start having sex and make their relationship "Facebook Official".

She got herself a good one this time. Nothing like the last guy(s). But grandma isn't convinced. She already knows what kind of girl her granddaughter is. 

Steve also jumps in to assure Grandma that he's not looking to have any more kids.

That's comforting, Steve. Thank you. I hope you wrap it up though. This girl's got a track record.

Four days into the relationship and she's soooo happy!

Six days in and we're already announcing Save The Dates! Way to take it slow, kiddo. But Mom says slow it down. 

Steve's not putting a ring on it. 

One week in and he's just perfect! 

Three weeks and four days in, and then a like, totally super vague announcement!! Oh my, what could it be?!

Gasp! No, Kayla. She couldn't be! She promised Grandma and they're taking things slow!

Oh. Whew! It's just another engagement announcement. After dating for 30 days. 

 It's true love, you guys! It's a beautiful thing. I'm a terrible person for enjoying this train wreck.

.

One month and one week into the relationship and she's requesting pickles on pizza? That's an interesting request. Hmmmmm....

 Uhhh, no one wants it #Muffintop. 

I think you guys better bump up that conversation. 

One month, one week and three days and it's for sure you guys. She's finally found her happy ending fairy tale man.

Are you still enjoying these old conversations? I certainly am.

She's found the real deal this time, guys. She's found a real man. He's going to be a good father! Not like those other losers she procreated with.

Two months and almost two weeks later, it's still absolute bliss with the new lovebirds, in case anyone forgot. 

There it is! That puts her conception date at...April 18th? After they weren't even dating for *gasp!* a whole month?! Grandma must have been so disappointed. :( 

Yup, definitely pregnant. She's so proud of her newest little WIC payment!

OH NO!!! Just shy of three months together and it's already splitsville with Prince Charming. What happened?! I thought he was different? You just knew he was The One? 

My heart just breaks for BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Karma indeed, bitch. Who's the whore now? 

I kinda like this dude. 

I'll just leave this here. ;)